A FIVER STORY THAT, RIGHTLY OR WRONGLY, FELT THE DECENT THING WASN'T TO RIFF ON SCOTTISH FITBA'S PAIN
On second thoughts, DON'T STOP FOOTBALL! Because it turns out it's not ALL about multinational corporations vying for market share, mollycoddled egomaniacs vying for attention and Lee Cattermole vying for the sheer hell of it. No, there are still some genuine thrills to be had! And the jolliest for a while has come not from Big Cup but its much-maligned, more modest little brother, Big Vase.
The passage of Shamrock Rovers into the Big Vase group stages is a bona fide Cinderella story, albeit the version in which Cinderella is a plucky Irish football club that has spent most of the last two decades trudging through the streets in threadbare kecks while being clobbered with thorny sticks by fat men in suits. After their Milltown stadium in Dublin was sold to property developers in 1987, Rovers were condemned to years of homelessness, their very existence threatened as debts racked up and a series of unloved ground shares came and went like seasonal disorders.
Six years ago the bedraggled club was on the cusp of finally being wound up. Only a whipround by die-hard fans saved it. Those fans now own the club and were responsible for securing it a humble new 6,500-capacity home in the gritty suburb of Tallaght. The players are mostly semi-professionals, yet last night, in temperatures Satan himself would have objected to as excessively hot, they ousted the relatively illustrious professionals of Partizan Belgrade in the capital of Serbia to become the first Irish club to reach Big Vase's group stages since Earth was a nothing waiting to be banged into existence.
As ever, the group stages throw up arduous away trips and Rovers' reward for their historic achievement was to be handed treks to Rubin Kazan in far-away Russia, PAOK in Salonika and Tottenham Hotspur from war-torn London. "It's been an unbelievable two days," gushed Rovers chairman Jonathan Roche. "Hopefully now this shows people that we play a good style of football," he trumpeted, as the thousands of fans who flock from Ireland to Britain every week to support English clubs wondered whether they mightn't be better off checking out what's available on their own doorstep too. "It's not really about the money but it's the whole razzamatazz and the whole profile on the football club."
Elsewhere, Fulham were drawn with FC Twente, Odense and Wisla Krakow; Stoke must travel to the fringes of the continent to compete against Dynamo Kyiv, Besiktas and Hapoel Tel Aviv; and Club Brugge, Braga and Maribor all faces daunting trips to Birmingham.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"It's not true. You can believe me or Phil Gartside. You are free, absolutely, to think what you want. I just tell you it's not right" - Arsene Wenger denies Bolton's claim that the cash-heavy Gunners have offered £6m for Gary Cahill. When asked if the figure was lower, the Frenchman replied: "You know me very well."
ESS'EXPRESS
"The FA may realise who has produced more players for their country than any club in the world. Maybe they will get some joy from it and realise how important we are to England instead of treating us like $hit - Man Utd boss Lord Ferg riffs away to his heart's content, oblivious to the fact that Aston Villa, with 71, have apparently produced more England internationals than any club in the country. Anyone wish to stretch Ferg's dubious claim to the world?
DOUBLE YOUR MONEY WITH BLUE SQUARE!
FIVER LETTERS
"So Kilmarnock want to sign a defender called Mark De Man. Might the scouting team be taking Kenny Shiels's requirements for defenders too literally?" - Alex Watson [assuming Getyousethe Effinto-em is unavailable - Fiver Ed].
"Re: Vitor Pereira's claim that Barca are the best team he has seen in his lifetime (yesterday's quote of the day). I'd go further and say that they are the best team ever. Like, ever. Brazil '70 can't have been all that good because we get shown the same three clips over and over. Holland late-70s, Liverpool 70s, Milan late-80s, the Real Madrid of Puskas's time and others may have been good, but nobody comes close to the combination of proper passing football whilst actually winning things, as Barca do. Surely nobody can object?" - Grant McPhee.
"By merely peeing on the floor, Bonnie the dog didn't really do what might become known as a Depardieu (yesterday's Fiver letters). To achieve that she would have had to fill a plastic water bottle while strapped in to a first-class aeroplane seat and then (depending on which report one believes) either continue peeing thus causing the bottle to overflow on to the floor, or simply spill the bottle on the floor. Perhaps the Fiver could develop this into a challenge for priveleged readers' dogs on their way home from Big Cup away legs this season?" - Tim Bene.
"Can I be one of 1,057 Bible-toting pedants to point out that Jesus would have had a hard time fixing anything in Sodom on a wet Wednesday (yesterday's Fiver), given that His Dad had destroyed the city a good while before he was born?" - Mark Rae (and one other Bible-toting pedant).
Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. And if you've nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver.
BITS AND BOBS
17 June 2011: Harry Redknapp says Scott Parker would be too expensive for Tottenham to sign. 26 August 2011: West Ham confirm they are in talks with Tottenham over the sale of Scott Parker.
Pope's O'Rangers boss Ally McCoist has been musing on the early end to Scotland's European campaign. "Life would be pretty boring if it was a bed of roses all the time," he cheered. "It's a rollercoaster and we took a bit of a dip last night and it was a sore one. But we've got a real opportunity to regroup and get ready for Aberdeen."
The opening weekend of the Serie A season has been delayed after the players decided to strike when talks over a new collective bargaining agreement broke down. BASTA CALCIO!
Meanwhile, Renzo Ulivieri, the head of the Italian Managers' Association, has chained himself to the railings of the Football Federation's HQ in protest at a perceived fall in coaching certificate standards. "This is the real scandal of the summer," he growled.
Thomas Vermaelen is a doubt for Arsenal's trip to Manchester United on Sunday. Anyone got Igors Stepanovs' number?
"Going to have to make a decision today, its [sic] only fair to all parties," tweets the QPR-bound Joseph Barton. As the Fiver likes to say, the quality of decision is like the well-timed swoop of a falcon which enables it to strike and destroy its victim.
Scotland captain Darren Fletcher has returned to Craig Levein's squad for the Euro 2012 qualifiers against the Czech Republic and Lithuania. Full squad: Gilks (Blackpool), McGregor (Pope's O'Rangers), Turner (Preston); Bardsley (Sunderland), Berra (Wolves), Caldwell (Wigan), Crainey (Blackpool), Hanley (Blackeye Rovers), Hutton (Tottenham), Whittaker (Pope's O'Rangers), Shortbread McFiver (Fiver Towers), Wilson (Liverpool); Adam (Liverpool), Bannan (Aston Villa), Brown (Queen's Celtic), Cowie (Cardiff), Dorrans (West Brom), Fletcher (Manchester United), Forrest (Queen's Celtic), Morrison (West Brom), Naismith (Pope's O'Rangers), Robson (Middlesbrough), Snodgrass (Nasty Leeds); Goodwillie (Blackeye Rovers), Mackail-Smith (Brighton), Miller (Cardiff).
And if you had money on Bradford boss Peter Jackson in the League Two sack race, go and collect. "No one had an idea," parped midfielder Michael Flynn. "As I left the club, I had a joke with the gaffer as he was in his shirt and trousers. I asked if he had a date and he just said, 'No, a board meeting'."
STILL WANT MORE?
The legendary David Lacey waxes lyrical about why the new season is immediately hamstrung by the imminence of the transfer deadline.
If pictures of Nigel Winterburn's wild 1980s barnet get you going, then the Joy of Six: early-season leaders is for you.
Within 20 minutes of Paolo Bandini's Serie A 2011-12 preview going live, a strike for the opening weekend was confirmed. We're saying nothing.
Another day, another Shamrock Rovers blog. Oh. Here it is, anyway.
It's not exactly Big Sam at Camber Sands, but still, it's the Football League weekender.
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SEE YOU ON TUESDAY. ENJOY THE BANK HOLIDAY WEEKEND. WE'LL LEAVE YOU WITH THIS
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Source: http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2011/aug/26/the-fiver-shamrock-rovers
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