Apparently one in 10 pets have an online presence. Yes, Lassie could tweet on Timmy, but what if Nigerian dogs got scamming?
I don't have any pets. I'm not morally opposed to the practice, and if I am at your house I will certainly give your animal a pat (unless it's a tarantula, you maniac), but to me, purchasing a hair-covered, underpants-devouring excrement factory whose only purpose in life is to trick you into loving it so that it can DIE AND LEAVE YOU MORE ALONE THAN EVER is just not worth the trouble. But it has come to my attention that not only are millions of humans eagerly indulging in this strange practice of handling warm dog feces and scooping cat-urine biscuits with a specialised spatula (think about what you're doing!), you people are now also allowing said animals unfettered access to your internet connections. For shame!
According to the Telegraph, "One in 10 of all UK pets have their own Facebook page, Twitter profile or YouTube channel." One in 10. One in TEN! And that's just the ones we know about. Do you know what your cat does at night when you're asleep? Have you checked your browser history lately for search terms like "lasagna" or "Arlene nude"? I'm just not sure how I feel about all of this, so I compiled a list of pros and cons.
Pros
1. Your annoying pet will have less free time to walk on me and fart.
2. Celebrity pets can write tell-all blogs!!! Angelina Jolie's iguana has so much gossip, you guys.
3. There will finally be a market for viral videos of humans doing cute things (and all these hours I've spent chasing a laser pointer in front of my webcam will pay off!!!$!!$!$$$$).
4. Lassie can have a Twitter feed: "Timmy fell in another well. #niceworkshithead"
5. Your cat will finally be able to meet that perfect feline – who is a calico but not bitchy, who enjoys warm windowsills, brunch and working out, and describes herself as more Beatles than Rolling Stones – on eHarmony (but only if your cat isn't gay).
Cons
1. Your annoying pet will have more free time to send me Google+ invites.
2. I don't need to be cyberbullied by my neighbour's parrot (he is already an asshole IRL).
3. Feline Aids will become a computer virus.
4. Nigerian dogs will begin scamming other dogs out of large amounts of Pedigree Chum.
5. It's only a matter of time before they take over Farmville and turn it into a communist dystopia.
6. Formerly local cat-hate groups can now organise.
I think it's clear that the cons outweigh the pros here. Domesticated animals MUST be stopped from using the internet. Call your MP or whatever. (And confidential to all the humans who are actually making these things: GO OUTSIDE.)
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Source: http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/jul/15/social-petworking-pets-online
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